There's nothing FREE about a Government "Hand-Out"

We've all heard the saying: "Nothing in life is free." Nothing could be more true when trying to game the system while attempting to get a free government "hand-out". I know, I tried. It wasn't at all like Glenn Beck told me it would be. There was nothing "free" about it.

After hearing so much about these wonderful benefits I just couldn't wait to take advantage of these extravagant privileges. I had to plan ahead and put a lot of effort into "gaming the system". First, I had to get laid off from my job after breaking my back for 38 years. Then I had to get rejected for jobs for another two years while collecting half my previous salary in unemployment benefits. Then I had to cash out my IRA and life's savings to make the rent and car payments. After that I had to fall three months behind in all my bills, get my car towed away, and get evicted from my home...leaving behind most of my possessions. It wasn't easy, but I finally did it...I qualified for a government hand-out.

Let me say, if running the government were like running a business, the government would have went bankrupt 200 years ago if it weren't for annual taxpayer-paid bailouts. Also, the government's customer service department really sucks when attempting to manipulate the system for taxpayer-paid freebies. I would have filed a complaint if anyone would have listened, but talking to a government bureaucrat is like talking to a brick wall.

My wonderful odessy began when I first applied for food stamps. Then my second experience was trying to get the IRS to prepare my income tax return. My latest adventure was when I saught medical help. Here's my opinion of free government hand-outs.

I just got back from the Clark County Social Services to apply for a temporary medical card...and today was just one part of a long and tortuous process - - - but today was just a short 7 hour ordeal. They sure don't make it easy for you when trying to apply for government assistance.

First there were all the redundant and complicated forms to fill out with contradictory instructions. Then I had those phone calls to make where I would usually get lost in a maze of menus before I was finally left on hold for 45 minutes, only to be told I had to call another number. With all the paperwork and appointments, I really needed a private secretary to help me keep track of it all. What ever happened to the Paperwork Reduction Act? How many trees have died because of me?

There were the appointments to keep where I had to schedule transportation and then endure long lines outside in the cold and rain. When I was finally allowed in, I was told to empty my pockets for a security check because evidently there is a high level of threat for violence in government buildings when people go there to get free stuff. I guess some ingrates just don't appreciate a good thing when they're being offered these "goodies" for free. Once I was allowed into the building I had to spend a few more hours waiting in a hard plastic chair (with a sore back). I was really starting to enjoy myself after 7 hours of this, so you can understand why I hated to see this day end.

But in the end, after all that, I got a government medical card.

Yes, when one is suffering with debilitating and painful health problems, there's nothing more fun that dealing with a government bureaucracy. And it goes both ways:  I could tell that those government workers really enjoyed dealing with people like me too...all the hobos, the has-beens, the unemployed, the alcoholics, the drug addicts, the lazy no-good bums who are only trying to game the system and get a free government hand-out.

Oh yes indeed, I can tell you right now. The very LAST thing that I would ever want to do was to flirt with a pretty co-worker, sit in a warm office, or have a clean restroom to use at work. No way Jose! No sir! Put me on the government dole any day of the week!

I can see why all those honest and hard-working taxpayers resent and hate me so much. The nerve of me, a low-life dirty scum bucket hobo like me, who dares to ask for a doctor appointment because I was discriminated against for getting a make-believe job that had already been sent to China 3 years ago. I don't blame those good Americans for wanting me to climb back under my rock to die. I deserve to. The nerve of me!

Yet when it comes to cutting the budget, the very first thing the Republicans do is put a bull's eye on government programs that care for these scumbags like me, (rather than cutting a B-2 Stealth Bomber from the Pentagon's wish list). We just launched 114 cruise missiles at Libya at a cost of 1.5 million each to protect THEIR people (a "humanitarian cause"), but our people in the good ole U.S.A. can live in the streets and die under slimy rocks. Our unemployed aren't worth saving but our government appears to have a bottomless pit when it comes to war spending. Go figure.

But all in all, I'm just tickled pink by all this free stuff that a lazy stiff like myself can get, instead of going to a regular job and doing an honest days work to actually earn money. I don't miss my company-paid one-hour lunch breaks in the cafeteria at all! No way! I'm so glad I don't get THOSE free meals anymore!

Yes, those free government hand-outs are the greatest...and who knows, maybe next year they'll send me to Hawaii too!

Now, for Mister Glenn Beck and the GOP and Tea Party....do you want the truth? I used to be in one of those dreaded labor unions that you hate so much when I last worked, so I once had good and humane healthcare insurance.

I miss the old days when I had a full-time job and had FREE employer-provided healthcare insurance. If I was ever sick and wanted to see a doctor or dentist (or an optometrist for eye glasses), all I had to do was call my primary care healthcare provider to set up an appointment. I usually got to speak to a REAL LIVE person and I could set the date and time at MY convenience, not theirs. And they addressed me with respect and called me "Mister" Meyers, as though I were a real human being who deserved respect.

And on the very day of my doctor's appointment I could also take a "sick day" from work and get paid by my employer for the privilege of going to see the doctor. Can you imagine that? Wow! But this can't be near as good as getting all those government "goodies" for free, right?

And to think the unemployed are called free-loaders just looking for a government hand-out. This "free stuff" was the biggest pain in my butt I've every had to get for free in my life. If this is what "being on the dole" is like, give me a back-breaking job any day!

OK, no more complaining...it doesn't help anyway, but I just wanted you all to know that I wasn't sitting in a Jacuzzi somewhere living the high-life and trying to dream up new ways of how best to screw those poor hard-working taxpayers...those people that hate me for seeing a damn doctor on their pathetic dime. Let THEM trying getting a free government "hand-out" sometime and then tell me how easy I have it.

And besides, I've already paid federal, state, county, city, excise, property, gas, and sales taxes for 38 years...so what exactly am I getting for "free"?

And guess what? That medical card I got today is only good for two months. So if I still qualify, I'll have to go through the whole process all over again just to renew it for another two months. Boy, that sure gives me something to look forward to! I can hardly wait!

And this is the REAL kicker. When I got home to make a doctor's appointment the very soonest they could see me is still several weeks away...just ONE WEEK before my medical card expires!