WASHINGTON D.C. - Scientific Journal (April 7, 2012) - In an odd and unexplained phenomena, 14 million Americans were suddenly and mysteriously missing by their friends, lovers, spouses, family members and neighbors...as well as by their own government.
If was horrifically freighting, almost like a scene out of The Twilight Zone, One Step Beyond, The Outer Limits, or an Alfred Hitchcock thriller.
A team of top scientists, here in the U.S. and around the world, have been working closely with the Department of Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics to discover the whereabouts of 14 million formerly middle-class Americans, who just seemed to have completely vanished off the face of the Earth.
Some of the "esteemed" draft dodgers in congress had quipped that they might be listed as "MIA", and that they could just be lounging on a hammock in Hawaii.
What first started out as whimpers and rumors many months ago, blew up into a full scale scandal after a breaking news report yesterday.
The Huffington Post reported yesterday in their "DAILY DELANEY DOWNER" (HuffPost Hill newsletter): "Last March there were 1.8 million people who had been out of work for 99 weeks or longer. This March there were 1.9 million people who'd been unemployed that long."
The author of the very disturbing news release wishes to remain anonymous because he now works for the corporation AOL, which in turn, is partnered with Time Warner, one of the world's largest media companies, headquartered in the Time Warner Center in New York City. Among its many subsidiaries include New Line Cinema, Time Inc., HBO, Turner Broadcasting System, Warner Bros., Boomerang, Adult Swim, CNN, DC Comics, and Castle Rock Entertainment (Current TV is a progressive media company led by former U.S. Vice President Al Gore and could get kicked off of Time Warner).
The jobless numbers had stumped some the brightest minds in the world, so they started digging a little deeper. They all worked diligently, night and day, pounding on calculators, slide rules, and computers. They searched the National Archives, the Library of Congress, the IRS, and the Social Security Administration - - as well as the records from the NSA, FBI, NASA, and CIA. They left no stone overturned.
This is what they've managed to find out so far:
Two and half years ago (130 weeks ago) in October of 2009, 15.9 million Americans were out of work when the unemployment rate was reported to be 10.2%.
So the world's brightest sat down and did some simple math:
15.9 million Americans who were out of work 130 weeks ago - 1.9 million who were just reported as being unemployed over 99 weeks = 14.0 million"missing" Americans.
Did all 14 million of these people find jobs since that time, and are no longer unemployed? Or are they just ignored and no longer counted? (And what about the additional 6 million Americans who graduated from high school and college since that time? Did they all find jobs too?)
People are starting to demand answers to this grave and terrible mystery. Like Obama says, "It's math!"
(Below) Some scientists have even suggested that millions of America's unemployed might have all been lost in a massive Black Hole, mostly sucked in by apathy and indifference.
Congress is launching a full-fledged investigation into the matter, in case these "missing" Americans might be in need of some financial and medical assistance...such as food stamps and Medicaid.
The Republicans are especially concerned, and blamed Obama for being excessively cruel and miss-treating the poor and down-trodden.
When Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner was asked about the possibility of giving up on the search for 14 million destitute and suffering American citizens, he angrily responded, "Hell no we won't!"
When pressed further, John Boehner said a few Democrats and all the Republicans were willing to do all they can to find the 14 million Americans and provide them with food, so long all there were off-setting costs in Social Security and Medicare, and that there were also more tax cuts for the rich.
"We have a spending problem, not a revenue problem," he added. "We need to provide certainty for the job creators."
(Below) - John Boehner answering reporter's questions while stumping for Paul Ryan's austerity budget plan.
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- 15 Million Americans Jobless Over 2 years
- Why Congress Refuses to Tax the Rich