Today I told the IRS, "Audit me!"

It seems the IRS is either too busy or too stupid to help little-ole-me. I had heard that the IRS was doing an additional one million more audits this year, so maybe the IRS is just short of help and they don't have enough people to answer their phones, make appointments, or prepare tax returns for poor people.

Imagine that. And the GOP, the Republicans and the Tea Party, wants SMALLER government!

Today I tried to comply with the federal law, and to do my duty as a good citizen of this country, but my government made it impossible for me to obey the law.

Every year of my life that I've worked, and I was required to file an income tax return (whether I qualified for a refund or owed them money), I always filed. I never attempted to EVADE paying taxes or to AVOID paying taxes. I was a good American and always did my legal and civic duty; but now it seems my country has made me into a criminal.

Last year my total income was about $9,000 in unemployment benefits and $4,000 from an IRA CD that I was forced to cash out early to have money to live on. TOTAL INCOME: Ca-Ching!!!! A whooping $13,000 annual gross earnings for 2010, just $3,000 above the government's standard of the poverty level - - - but just enough that legally required me to file a federal income tax return.

But unlike many previous years before, I can't file a 1040EZ form this year because I have a FORM 1099 from Charles Schwab carrying over capital gains losses from the tax year of 2008 (when the stock market crashed) and when I used to own stocks, had cash in the bank, a car, and a full-time job. Those were the days!

Now I can not afford to pay TurboTax or H&R Block (like I did last year) to prepare my tax return this year, nor can I properly file one myself, because I was not schooled in the United States IRS Tax Code (I'm a high school drop-out with a GED).

I've been unemployed two and a half years, exhausted all my unemployment benefits, used up all my cash, was evicted, and had my half-paid car towed away. Now I'm indigent and rely on food stamps just to eat. I also have health issues too. I'm flat broke and too damn dumb to file a proper income tax return in 2011.

So I visited the IRS website and gathered a little information, then dialed a few phone numbers to get an address as to where I could go to have them prepare my tax return for me - free of charge. The next day I went to see them.

On Wednesday, March 16, 2011 I attempted to do the right thing and arrived at the IRS building at 8:38 AM. (Of course, as usual, being a lazy jobless person, I first had my morning cigarette and cup of coffee before doing my civic duty.)

NOTE: The person that drove me to the IRS office is unemployed as well and paid federal taxes on the gasoline that was needed to drive me there.

After arriving there I waited in a line outside for about 30 minutes to get inside (I'm glad it wasn't raining or too cold). The IRS only allows one person in at a time inside the building for security purposes (and now I know why). There were signs outside at the beginning of the line that said NO FIREARMS, NO CELL PHONES, and NO SMOKING (25 Feet from the front door).

Like other federal buildings and airports, when it was my turn to enter the building I was asked by armed guards to empty all my pockets, provide them with a current government ID, and walk through a scanner...and my personal objects were x-rayed. (The woman in front of me had to remove her shoes because she had pennies in her "penny loafers".)

After I was cleared by security and deemed not to be a "clear and present danger" to them or to mankind in general, I waited in another line. When it was my turn I approached the desk and said I needed someone to prepare my taxes. I was told that they were too busy and I would have to schedule an appointment for another day. (WTF?) I then asked them why they didn't have a phone number for me to call and schedule an appointment in advance - before having to come all the way down there in the first place. They looked at me with blank stares and offered me no reason at all.

They then asked me for my W-2 forms and related tax records before scheduling a later appointment with me. When they saw my FORM 1099 I had from Charles Schwab, they said, "We don't do 'complicated' tax returns." I asked them why not, and they just gave me the same blank stares with no answer at all.

So because they refused to prepare my federal income tax return for last year (2010), I then told those bozos at the IRS, "Well then, just audit me!" - figuring an IRS audit wouldn't cost me anything, and I was all caught up on my present taxes to date anyway. What's the worst that can happen, right?

So they gave me a ticket with a number (506) to see someone else. When I asked them about how long I would have to wait, I got the same blank stares with no answer at all. DAH!!!! (I heard that Federal workers get good wages and benefits. But those idiots have jobs, I don't. But yet, I'm the one who's unemployed. Go figure.)

Then I sat and waited for about 30 minutes before I finally gave up waiting and left (my lower back had been bothering me). Besides, I think they gave me "a number to nowhere", because no other number in sequence with my number ever showed up. I saw 001, 304, 937, 284, 804, etc. So nobody was ever to know when they were next to be called...it could have been several hours, there was no way to judge. Every time a number was called, it appeared to be a random number. Very odd.

As I was leaving I asked them for a business card. The same dumb (but polite) blank stares. I finally left at 9:52 AM and paid the parking garage $9.00 that I couldn't afford for the privilege of my time, frustration, and expense. Why I even bothered trying to comply with the federal law, I still don't know. Thank you U.S. government, the same government who destroyed the middle-class to begin with!

Now I'll just have to fill out a 1040A form as best I can, knowing it probably won't be correctly done (and should raise some red flags at the IRS...that is, if they're not like the SEC and are sleeping or watching porn)...and then I'll just wait for my free IRS audit to properly prepare and file my income tax return for 2010, like I asked them to do in the very beginning!

I'm not due to get a refund, nor will I owe taxes either, so I won't worry about being cheated out of money, or having to owe the IRS fines, interest, and penalties. I have no job (they can't garnish wages), I have no bank account (they can't freeze any accounts), I own nothing (so I need not worry about any property liens), and I hear debtor's prison is full these days (so I won't go to jail either).

But I may end up on a WANTED poster in the Post Office. I just hope and pray I never play and hit the lottery for Mega-Bucks. At least that way I can maintain my status quo.

And the GOP, Republicans and the Tea Party, wants SMALLER government. Maybe THEY should try visiting the IRS some time. At least hire a few more people at the IRS during tax filing time to help poor people file their damn income tax returns...especially if they aren't even getting a refund...and especially if they might actually owe the government some money!

We gotta pay down that national debt some way, right? We sure in the hell won't do it by taxing the rich, so we might as well try doing it by auditing the poor.