Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Path to Prosperity: A Republican Bedtime Story

Once upon a time there were the really good Republicans and the very nasty and evil Democrats. The Republicans were the brave freedom fighters for free trade and free (emerging) markets - and enabled big corporations to be free to do whatever they pleased. Even the U.S. Supreme Court had agreed with them. This proved that the Republicans were the righteous defenders of modern capitalism, and therefore, the best qualified to represent the welfare and lives of THE PEOPLE. The little people cheered!

On the other hand, the bad Democrats always stood in the way of the good Republican's desire for global trade by arguing for destructive things such as worker's rights, fair taxes on the rich, and justice for all. The Democrats were trying to destroy the good ole U.S.A.! That made the little people very sad.

The GOP's bold and noble argument was that any increase in tax rates will do irreparable harm to the economy by killing peoples’ incentives to work and invest...saying that if multi-national corporations could only earn a 50% profit instead of a 60% profit, then they wouldn't bother trying to make any profit at all. The whole economy could collapse. The GOP said that if Paris Hilton had to pay 5% more in taxes, she'd have to fire her bodyguard, housekeeper, hairdresser, chauffer, and cook...and Beverly Hills might not ever be the same again.

Since the Bush tax cuts in 2001 and 2003, America lost millions of jobs and had a record high unemployment rate...higher than that at the height of the Great Depression. Over the past three years alone the United States had record deficits and budget shortfalls, and a housing bubble with record foreclosures. The Republicans, because of de-regulation of the banks, caused The Great Recession. So the GOP must have thought this was a good thing, because they, and all the bankers and CEOs had big happy smiles. The Republicans told the little people that this is how things should be. So THE PEOPLE were warm, snug and content.

But the GOP thinks that more of the same (more tax breaks for corporations and the rich) will make it all that much better for THE PEOPLE; and that by lowering corporate and capital gains taxes for the rich even more would bring them (the average working people) back to full employment again, earning a "living wage" and allowing them all to live a middle-class once again have "prosperity". The GOP convinced the little people that they will fix all the roads and bridges, hire more teachers, and put a man on Mars as well. All they had to do was bring in less tax revenues by NOT taxing the rich, but by eliminating food stamps for the poor; and only then could all this be accomplished. But best of all, if they were all good little people, and believed the Republicans plan, they would all get a lollipop too! The little people were very excited!

If the banks and corporations are already earning record profits, but still aren't hiring people domestically, how will increasing corporate profits and CEO pay with more tax breaks help the man on the street (literally, the homeless man on the street)? But the little people were told not to worry, that everything would be great...and that all the starving homeless people would go to Heaven. Their GOP leaders seemed so sage and sincere. One had even wept at the podium while giving a tender speech in Congress. THE PEOPLE were touched.

Just how exactly will lowering taxes for big banks and big corporations that are earning record profits, but who outsource jobs overseas and foreclose on homes (and for wealthy people like Donald Trump who file for bankruptcy every 3 years), restore the great American Dream for average working people today? But the little people were told to watch Fox News, and that Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, and Bill O'Reilly would explain all these good things that THE PEOPLE needed to believe - "they were looking out for you". The little people were relieved, and finally felt safe and secure at last.

The GOP might have wanted to raise taxes on the poor (while ending unemployment benefits for the jobless), and then expand the military budget another $100 billion a year to build more fighter aircraft to put people back to work. Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman and Boeing would love that...lots of multi-billion-dollar no-bid government contracts that are completely paid for by the "working poor" taxpayers.

The good Republicans believe in more corporate welfare for multi-national corporations, who pay no corporate income taxes, and always give the bulk of their political donations to GOP PAC funds that support Republican candidates - who in turn will always vote for lower taxes for big corporations and lower capital gains taxes for rich people. This appealed to the GOP very much, so they convinced THE PEOPLE, and it was so. The rich were happy and the little people were told that they should be happy too. So they were.

And even though THE PEOPLE had lost their jobs, lost their homes, and lost all faith in capitalism, they still begged their Republican leaders to tell them another fairy tale. And although THE PEOPLE no longer had Medicare and Social Security, and had lost all their hope, according to their wise, thoughtful, honest, sympathetic, and fearless Republican leaders, all the THE PEOPLE would be just fine. They were told that the brave and noble Republicans would take back America. The little people clapped and cheered like good American patriots. They were happy, because they were finally back on the path to prosperity.

And then all the little people lived happily ever after.

The End

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