I would like to form a corporation called Political Elections Inc., apply for a $1 trillion government subsidy, list my company's stock on the NYSE, elect myself as the CEO, pay myself $1 billion a year in company stock, hire a secretary to do all my work for $1 an hour, and buy a "company" jet and limo.
I would also like to start a super-PAC and donate $1 billion to the political party of my choice, which will grant me unlimited access to the White House -- which will enable me to suggest Supreme Court nominations to the sitting President. He can't say "no" to me, I just gave his party $1 billion! I got him elected! He doesn't answer to the voters, he answers to me! I own his damn ass!!!
I would like to influence the media, the courts, the laws, the politics, and the elections of the land...hence my company name, Political Elections Inc. -- I'd like to control law enforcement, the intelligence community, and the entire military defense industry -- essentially, I'd like to rule the entire country. If you rule America, you could rule the whole world!!! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!
I would also like to pay no corporate taxes, pay no capital gains taxes on my
$1 billion company salary as CEO, and expect everybody else earning less than
$20,000-a-year to fund safe bridges and highways, clean water, safe lobsters and
Champagne, safe products on the shelves, safe limousines on the roads, better
Ivy League schools, scientific research so I can live longer, space exploration, dams, power grids, safe
medicines (so I can live longer), technologically advanced armies to increase
and protect my wealth, and a border patrol to close
my the borders.
I want to benefit from all these things in some way, but I don't want to pay
anything for any of them.
I also don't want to pay for Social Security or Medicare for old and sick people either, those who can no longer make profits for corporations. And when I lay off my secretary to save money, I don't want to pay her unemployment benefits either, or pay for food stamps to feed her little kids. I certainly don't want to pay for their healthcare! (Medicaid)
If anyone attempts to compete with me, I will either destroy them or buy them out -- and will hold a monopoly and corner the market on all goods and services -- holding the nation hostage to my extortion. If you don't pay, I will kill the hostage.
I could have my own Army (by proxy of the U.S. government), and open up "emerging markets" for my corporation in lands far away from home, increasing my marketplace. I could make my corporation a huge "multi-national" conglomerate, and build factories in Third World countries and hire the local natives for pennies an hour, while not having to abide by any labor or environmental laws. I could pay foreign despots and other brutal dictators for the privilege of doing business in their low-tax salve-labor countries. The taxes I pay to these foreign countries might some day be used to build an army to kill American soldiers in other future wars for oil or other natural resources. Countries like China could build a better infrastructure than America.
And if I break any laws and get caught, I would not have to spend any time in jail, and just be fined $1 and get a soft slap on the wrist for my crimes - "You were a bad boy!" - even if many human beings had become disfigured, mutilated, suffered and died. I have "limited liability", and won't have to take any personal responsibility for any of my actions. My Supreme Court will always rule in my favor.
I would like to smugly sit in one of my many 25-bedroom beach-front mansions,
or on one of my elegant and luxurious yachts, surrounded by a bevy of beautiful
escorts 20 years younger than me, and command one of my media empires to berate
those who hold up their pathetic home-made signs protesting my
greatness and our unfair disparity in wealth. I would label them all as
"whiners", drug addicts, Socialists, and bums...who only want a
hand-out. How dare they!
I'd also like to call my police force to silence and imprison them if they would ever dare rise up against me, or criticize me for just being a good, noble, and patriotic "job creator". I would squash them like bugs, because after all, that's all they are.
If I were ever called upon to testify in front of Congress, I could plead the Fifth Amendment, spit in their faces, and call them all fools. As the wealthy CEO of Political Elections Inc., I'm almost a god!
I can't wait for the day when I can finally drive them all underground, the masses of scum, when I will no longer be forced to share the air I breath with them, or even the sunlight.
And if anyone objects to my business model, my special privileges, or my
constitutionally guaranteed rights, I could call them un-American. After I lay
my secretary off, I can call her lazy too. Isn't this what our Founding Fathers
would have wanted? Isn't this what corporate capitalism and American patriotism
is all about? Isn't this what's called
God bless me and Corporate America!