Wednesday, February 2, 2011

As America Digs Out, the Jobless Relax

Breaking News - Las Vegas (Groundhog Day Special Edition) - With winds blowing over 50 miles an hour as Chicago was digging itself out of over 19 inches of snow, Bud Meyers (a lazy unemployed 99er), was lounging by the fireplace drinking his morning hot Java with French Vanilla creamer.

The mother-in-law of all winter storms had swept across America on Wednesday morning, making travel to work by road, air, and rail a nightmare as snow fell from the Great Plains to the Midwest - dumping as much as 3 feet in some places.

"It's too bad all those poor people have to dig their cars out first before they can drive to work," Meyers said as he took a sip from his second cup of coffee while sitting at his desk near the fireplace in his spacious oak-paneled study.

In New York City 1,500 flights were canceled at its three airports, so thousands of workers (through no fault of their own) won't be able to make it in to their jobs today.

From New Mexico to Maine, there was rain, slush, ice and snow - - - then they got more rain, slush, ice, and snow. Texas suffered power outages and parts of New England found itself buried in deep snow drifts - - -almost the entire American work-force had to deal with slippery ice covered roads and snow-buried sidewalks. Snow drifts of up to 15 feet were reported throughout the Midwest.

"I feel their pain," Meyers says,"I once had to go to work too."

While over-night temperatures dropped below freezing in Las Vegas where Bud Meyers resides, the area was generally unscathed by the massive storm that caused so much Chaos for working America.

"We've had very calm winds, clear skies, and no rain or snow at all," he added. "I'm so glad I don't have all their troubles, because I might go apply for food stamps today."

Bud Meyers reminisces when he used live on the East Coast and he had to get up 30 minutes early in the morning after a snow storm before going to work at the factories.

"The snow plows would bury my car. I'd use an old broom to sweep the snow off the top of the car, then I'd have to shovel a path to the car door. Sometimes I used to heat the key with a Bic lighter to open the frozen lock, or I'd use petroleum jelly. Then I'd start the car to thaw the windows. It usually took 15 minutes just to chip the ice off the windshield."

Millions of working Americans who thought they were lucky just to have jobs weren't so lucky today. Braving the bitter cold temperatures and the howling and freezing wind - and the wet, slushy, and icy roads.

But Bud Meyers feels lucky today.

"Being unemployed definitely has its advantages sometimes. And if you're on the government dole, so much the better. You can get paid to drink coffee next to the fireplace while everybody else is getting frostbite digging out their cars!"

Bud Meyers no longer has a car to dig out, it is being repossessed by the bank.

Just like Mister Meyers, millions of other "99ers" (or UI "exhaustees") won't have to worry about going to work today either, just like any other day, because for the most part, employers considered them to be too old, obsolete, or both. Just because they ARE unemployed is reason enough to deny them work...or so thinks Human Resources at most major American corporations.

As far as Bud Meyers is concerned, all the jobs might as well have been out-sourced to Antarctica. "China, India, makes no difference. Complaining about jobs going to foreign countries has provoked a few people to label me as a racist. But to the best of my knowledge, the South Pole has no indigenous people."

It may be a "Snow Day" today for children and many Americans WITH jobs, but tomorrow Bud Meyers will still be enjoying his morning cup of hot java while the rest of America continues to brand him and 14,999,999 other Americans as "lazy".

Mister Meyers concludes: "I wanted to work. I didn't WANT to be lazy. American businesses forced me into a too-early retirement. I didn't just wake up one snowy morning, mysteriously drop out of the labor, and stop looking for work. If I'm warm at home by the fireplace drinking coffee today, and if I'm 'lazy', then it's through no fault of my own."

Meanwhile, despite the snow and 15 million unemployed Americans, corporate America is humming along quite nicely. The Dow Jones Industrial Average opened higher today than since before the stock market crash of 2008, trading near where it was at on Jun 20, 2008 (opening at 12,062.19).

But judging by the national weather, the CEOs, the banksters, the employed, and the lazy 99ers will all have 6 more weeks of winter.


  1. Great article Bud! With temperatures of -17 to zero not including the wind chill factor, I, too, am enjoying my morning kawfee. Since I have applied for the few jobs I found, soon another quilt will be started.
    I remember the days of having to get out 1/2 hour early to clear off my car and get to work. Those days are long gone and so are the unemployment checks. This makes me a "99er", but I'm proud to be one because my life has been enriched by many people in the same position.

  2. I agree, great article, Bud. I also love the pic of the groundhog at the computer!

    I was wondering if you were still in the Vegas area, but your article answered my question.

  3. I think you are wrong. I had a full nervous break down in 2007. I was in the mental hospital for a few weeks. Now, since January 2010, I have two jobs. Between the both, I earn $60,000+ a year.

    You need to learn a new trade. The new hotels want sexy young bartenders. That is life. You need to grow and evolve.